On… Confidence

Last week was a tough one for me… I spent 3 full days networking and hustling at a large conference.

3 days of selling myself to people – some who were interested and many who were not – was exhausting. I’m still feeling completely shattered… physically, mentally and emotionally.

You see, some days I find myself soaring high with boosted levels of confidence and self-esteem, but other days I plummet to the depths of despair and wonder “Am I good enough?”, “Are people even interested in what I’m doing when there are so many others out there doing much better things that I can offer (with much higher numbers)?”, “Will I (and my blog) amount to anything at all in the long run?” etc etc etc.

Your head can be a noisy place, right?!

Putting yourself out there opens you up to a whole new level of rejection… and your confidence can take a real knock.

For the past few days I’ve been really doubting myself… but fortunately Abigail K came along at just the right time with an offer to write a guest post for my blog. And guess what? The topic = confidence!

Brilliant timing.

So, today I’m handing over the reigns to Abigail. She is a professional photographer who specializes in women’s portraiture and has recently launched an online course to help women discover their most confident self through Mind Confidence, Body Confidence and Soul Confidence.

I’m excited to find out more! Take it away Abigail…

Becoming your most confident self by breaking the comparison trap

At some point in a girl’s life there comes a time when, either directly or indirectly, we receive the message that we somehow don’t measure up. Either we were actively compared by someone else to a sibling or a friend, or we started realizing our own differences in our analysis with other girls and women. Either way, the majority of girls and women find that they rate themselves in second place in relation to others. Whether it’s appearance, or achievements or relationships or lifestyle, the ugly comparison trap can poke holes in the fabric of our self confidence.

Eventually over time, this learned behavior becomes a default process that happens without us realizing it. The result is that on any given day, a woman can have negative, self-diminishing thoughts about herself like it’s an itunes track stuck on repeat. And once that kind of self-talk becomes engrained, it can turn into a belief about herself that she accepts as true, to the point that it doesn’t occur to her to question it’s validity.

The result is a woman who belittles herself, her talents, her appearance, a woman who can’t accept compliments, in fact she’ll turn a compliment into an opportunity to point out her own flaws, and ultimately, it results in a woman who shies away from opportunities and experiences of life because somehow she’s decided that she’s not worthy.

You see, a lack of confidence can lead to a low self-esteem, and when you have a low self-esteem, you’re unable to appreciate your own strengths and traits. The converse is true too. The more confident you are, the higher your self-esteem will be.


So how do you stop the comparison trap from destroying your confidence?

This is where you need to reframe the comparison.

Instead of defaulting to those feelings of envy and self deprecation, begin to see those women as inspiration and evidence of what’s possible for you. Reframe and believe that you’re seeing her now, at this time, because you need a clue and a taster of what could be your reality, what could be possible for you.

When you see other women being, doing and having the life/body/happiness that you want, instead of comparing yourself and ticking off a mental checklist about how much better she is than you, look to her as a source of inspiration and evidence that what you want is possible, it exists., and it’s on its way to you, because you’re tuned into that outcome for yourself. Then you’ll start to notice that you’re surrounded by so much inspiration and all that evidence is showing up to encourage you on your own journey.


If you’d like help to kickstart your journey to self confidence, then sign up for the Conscious Confidence Course. Get the special, limited time, launch price.

One lucky person will win an entry onto the Conscious Confidence Course. To enter, complete this short survey. The winner will be drawn randomly and announced and notified on 2nd May. Be sure to Like the Facebook pages and Instagram accounts to find out if you’re a winner.

Kathryn Rossiter

Kathryn is a South African lifestyle blogger and mom of 2 who has been blogging daily for over 9 years! She writes about travel, health, beauty, fashion, decor and family... but not food (unless it's food she's eaten made by someone else) as she is a hopeless cook. She only wakes up early for 2 things... a red-eye flight to somewhere exotic and early morning game drives. She has just finished an extensive home renovation and would prefer to never see another box again. She's never met a chocolate or glass of bubbles that she didn't like!

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